yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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