arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize