he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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