I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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