I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
