you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I have already put on my inside pants.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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