I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
