I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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