he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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