ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My pussy is not your playground.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
