Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
