no, he came in my armpit
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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