smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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