she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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