I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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