I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
