i need an iv and a liver transplant
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
