Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
