There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize