I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
