I'm lost and stupid without you.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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