I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
