I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
