hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize