No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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