I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
