I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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