So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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