got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
