i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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