I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
