nut hugger
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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