So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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