why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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