You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just got carded by a ten year old.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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