went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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