he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
