dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
