Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
