My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
