Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
