if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
