Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she smelled like a LAN party
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
