I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
