Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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