i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
