He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
