R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
