fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize