Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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