Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
