Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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