You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
