Porn is love you can see.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
