On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
