1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize