Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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