we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
My pussy is not your playground.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
