12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize