Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
