We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
