It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
