Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
