Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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