He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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