Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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