UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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