I think i peed on brittanys purse
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
