I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
