I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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