apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
