I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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