every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I understand Curling. That high.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
