onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize