He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
