Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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