Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
