Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
