just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We don't watch enough power rangers
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
