he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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