yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
