so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
