he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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