Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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