So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
