Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
