just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
