tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
