if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
