I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
