my vag is so smooth its legendary
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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