I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
