Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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