What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
