you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
