i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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