Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
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