I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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