I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize