That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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