You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
