I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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