he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
