This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize