Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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